One under the quilt, one freezes.
This accursed fate of a polygamist
Elusive affection and fleeting gaze
Once, twice or never\u00a0will love come <\/p>\n\n\n\n
(Excerpt from\u201cFate of a polygamist - Ho Xuan Huong)<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Those verses conveyed the female poet Ho Xuan Huong's rage at the injustices she had to bear,\u00a0 specifically, regarding her resentments about polygamy. Why did the tradition of polygamy cause women in the past to continuously live in abandonment, to live in a loveless world? Let's travel back in time with VFSA to see how polygamy had affected women at the time and why it was a great mistake. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
First and foremost, polygamy is a long-standing tradition. Polygamy occurs when a man has many wives at the same time or has a marital connection with multiple women simultaneously. This rule was once popular and lawful in most Eastern nations during feudalism. However, today, it appears to only exist in a few mountainous and\u00a0 ethnic groups in African or Muslim countries. Polygamy developed and evolved for a variety of reasons. Polygamy is generally considered to originate from incredibly diverse and prominent religious doctrines such as Islamic, Hinduism, Confucianism, Buddhism, ect. However, this only accounted for a minor portion of the tale itself. Polygamy, for example, is viewed as a benevolent act in Islam, where men are encouraged to marry downtrodden and orphaned women who are perceived as worthless and were facing social derision at the time. So religion may just be an excuse for men to abuse faith in order to satisfy their own sexual needs and desire\u2019s. These are the same individuals who further pushed the narrative that \"women are dependent and submissive with the sole purpose of child bearing\".\u00a0\u00a0 <\/p>\n\n\n\n
How does the polygamous system profoundly affect women?\nFirst and foremost, polygamy deprives women of their right to love and to be loved. The reason is quite simple: polygamous marriages, in most cases, do not originate from genuine affection, pure emotions, or the subtle excitement of budding love. As discussed earlier, in many traditional societies, women were regarded merely as \u201creproductive tools\u201d for preserving family lineage, or as a form of \u201cproperty\u201d that could be sold or transferred at will.\n\nIn countries such as Indonesia, this perception has been particularly widespread, where men are permitted to engage in multiple marital relationships with different women, often accompanied by a formal promise to treat all wives equally. However, such promises tend to exist only on paper. In reality, when a wife is unable to bear children\u2014especially male offspring\u2014she is often forced to endure the continuation of polygamy in silence. This reflects a deeply ingrained belief that women function merely as \u201cbirthing machines,\u201d and once they are no longer able to fulfill this role, they are deemed disposable.\n\nMoreover, the practice of maintaining multiple wives serves as a clear manifestation of the systematic devaluation of women. Particularly in earlier historical periods, men rarely regarded their wives with respect or emotional consideration. Consequently, women\u2019s autonomy, personal agency, and right to privacy were reduced to distant and unattainable ideals. Generation after generation, similar stories repeated themselves, gradually extinguishing the passionate flames of hope and the longing for a fairy-tale love that once burned brightly in the hearts of young women. Love, for them, became less a source of fulfillment than a rigid shackle\u2014a raging sea of fire confronting a helpless moth drawn inevitably toward destruction.\n\nThis cycle represents a cruel oscillation between dreams and reality, between desire and despair. While marriage might appear to mark the fulfillment of half of a woman\u2019s aspirations, the remaining half is often consumed by disillusionment as she is forced to share her husband or resign herself to the role of a secondary wife. Admittedly, there are rare cases in which some women claim that polygamy does not significantly affect them. Nevertheless, such instances remain exceptional and cannot overshadow the profound and enduring harm that polygamous systems have inflicted upon women as a whole. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Not only that, but a man's having several wives is obvious evidence of the act of devaluing a woman. Women's self-determination, opinion, and privacy looked to be a pipe dream, wild and far away, especially during the period when their wives' regard for men was mostly none. From generation to generation, the same cycle repeats, and gradually, the burning flames of faith, yearning for a beautiful fairy-like love are slowly extinguished, love-making feel like a rigid chain, like a moth to a flame. That cycle is identical to the unending loop of fantasies and reality, of desire and misery. Because part of them have fulfilled\u00a0 their ambition by marrying, part of them lived in sorrrow of forever being a concubine. Of course, there are still occasions where people are prepared to admit that polygamy has no negative influence on women, but these are few and far between.
Not only that, but polygamy robs women of their autonomy. Going back in time, the \"Giao special born\" has a record that says: \"Women must follow people, when they are children, they must follow their fathers; when they marry, they must follow their husbands; and when their husbands die, they must follow their children.\" That notion is analogous to a vicious loop that bewildered ants continue to pursue, eventually losing power and dying.That is equivalent to claiming that women do not have the freedom to choose. Even though those ladies are still alive, are they deemed to be \"living\" or merely \"existing\"? Also, it was assumed that a woman had to use her husband's name in ancient times. From the perspective of some, this is not a problem worth debating, even incredibly fantastic because using a new name just like marking a new \"prominent\" milestone in their life. But, when you look about it more broadly and thoroughly, isn't this a clear indication of women's restraint and tight control? Because being given a new name means losing the original name that your parents gave you - it's like devoting the rest of your life to a husband and being unable to continue writing your own life, is it different to accept and adhere your own life to your husband?\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n
In today\u2019s time, this ancient belief is not widespread but it has been deeply ingrained in women\u2019s mindset. A certain part of women in the present, especially those who have grown up in a male-dominated household, still holds on to the mentality that values men over women, and believes that men are far more superior than women. In some particular situations, this notion even makes the woman dependent, unambitious, and conservative. As a matter of fact, if this notion takes over the majority of society, it will cause detrimental impacts. The responsibility placed on men\u2019s shoulders will grow even greater, and women will never be able to realize their true potential along with the difference they can make for themselves and society. Because of the presence of this outdated belief, polygyny still exists in some families, and is difficult to get rid of.\u00a0\nThe effect of polygyny is so severe that we can see a similarity between women in both the old and modern world - they all have to suffer from and be restrained by social stereotypes for females. If they go against those even just slightly, they\u2019ll face frowning faces, judging eyes and bad reputation, the things which will furthermore suffocate women, make them feel ill-fated just because of their existence. For example, when a woman and her husband decide to divorce, it is certain that most of her family members and friends humiliate and look down on her due to the separation, considering her a horrible wife that must have done disgusting things that led to their divorce. However, all the people running their mouths about the wife\u2019s traits and personality based solely on the divorce were not involved in their marriage at all, then how come they granted themselves the rights to criticize another? That being said, even if the wife stands up for herself, those words will be deemed excuses., leading to the wife being criticized even more. Because of that, women are forced to be loyal to her husband for life under every circumstance, listen to his every demand just to put up a facade of a happy marriage and a loving family.\u00a0\u00a0 <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Furthermore, polygamy can essentially be seen as another name for infidelity\u2014one in which women are never granted the right to voice their objections. A woman may devote her entire life to her husband, pouring all her energy and devotion into nurturing the family. And yet, when she is confronted with the reality that the man she once loved wholeheartedly is engaging in extramarital relationships with another woman, one must ask: how deeply does that sense of loss cut into her heart? Trust collapses, affection shatters\u2014like thousands of ants slowly gnawing away, draining one\u2019s strength bit by bit.\n\nThe love story of Emperor B\u1ea3o \u0110\u1ea1i serves as a poignant illustration. He is often remembered as the only Vietnamese emperor who publicly embraced the principle of monogamy, and his romance with Empress Nam Ph\u01b0\u01a1ng was once celebrated as a fairy-tale love story. Yet in the end, he too committed adultery. This betrayal rendered the Empress\u2019s boundless love seemingly unreciprocated, while the trust she placed in the man she loved gradually crumbled into fragments.\n\nAlthough Empress Nam Ph\u01b0\u01a1ng had no legal right to protest or seek justice, she nonetheless earned widespread admiration through a letter of merely sixty-six words that she addressed to the Emperor\u2019s mistress. The letter reads:\n\n\u201cDear L\u00fd L\u1ec7 H\u00e0,\nI am separated from the former Emperor by tens of thousands of miles of ocean, yet I know that you are wholeheartedly caring for him in Hong Kong. I pray that history will not abandon the former Emperor and that we may meet again someday. Her Majesty Empress Dowager T\u1eeb Cung and I shall be eternally grateful to you.\nNam Ph\u01b0\u01a1ng.\u201d\n\nThis letter, restrained yet dignified, stands as a quiet testament to the profound emotional endurance and grace of a woman who was denied the right to speak, yet chose to respond with humanity rather than bitterness. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
So you might be wondering how such an discriminatory mentality survives that long? Foremost, as mentioned, some men want to use polygyny to satisfy their own desires. They view women as objects for them to toy around and abandon once they\u2019re done, and they are sure that they have this right. In the minds of those twisted perverts, there is nothing but that corrupted thought - which was the right thing in ancient society. Consequently, women were made to think that their suffering is inevitable when they are born a female. Once they had actions that are against the normal \u201crules\u201d, they would be regarded as having committed an unforgivable crime. Secondly, from a different point of view, in ancient society, it\u2019s actually a beneficial custom rather than a harmful one. Polygyny helped women get out of being single since men outnumbered women. But later on, this custom gradually shifted from being advantageous to being adverse and lost its morals, eventually backfired. For example, in some countries women exploit polygyny: in regions where men usually die prematurely, polygyny gives the wives and kids alimony, and that \u201cdirty money\u201d makes some women forget their own value as well as the meaning of marriage to pursue wealth.\u00a0\u00a0 <\/p>\n\n\n\n
In modern times, polygyny has reduced significantly and is banned by Vietnamese law, as strong evidence that women no longer have to follow the obsolete customs from long ago, and the difference between the two genders is gradually being erased. To achieve the current status of respect and equality, women had to fight for themselves in many ways in order to live the lives they want, enjoy the love they desire, and most of all, freedom and power in society. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" \u201cK\u1ebb \u0111\u1eafp ch\u0103n b\u00f4ng, k\u1ebb l\u1ea1nh l\u00f9ngCh\u00e9m cha c\u00e1i ki\u1ebfp l\u1ea5y ch\u1ed3ng chungN\u0103m th\u00ec m\u01b0\u1eddi h\u1ecda hay ch\u0103ng ch\u1edbM\u1ed9t th\u00e1ng \u0111\u00f4i l\u1ea7n c\u00f3 c\u0169ng kh\u00f4ng.\u201d (tr\u00edch \u201c L\u00e0m l\u1ebd \u201c – H\u1ed3 Xu\u00e2n H\u01b0\u01a1ng) Nh\u1eefng c\u00e2u th\u01a1 \u1ea5y \u0111\u00e3 th\u1ec3 hi\u1ec7n h\u1ebft th\u1ea3y nh\u1eefng ph\u1eabn u\u1ea5t c\u1ee7a n\u1eef s\u0129 H\u1ed3 Xu\u00e2n H\u01b0\u01a1ng v\u1edbi nh\u1eefng b\u1ea5t […]<\/p>","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2474,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[71],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2473","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-women-culture-vfsa-vi"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/vnsfemaleassociation.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2473","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/vnsfemaleassociation.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/vnsfemaleassociation.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/vnsfemaleassociation.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/vnsfemaleassociation.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2473"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/vnsfemaleassociation.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2473\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4575,"href":"https:\/\/vnsfemaleassociation.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2473\/revisions\/4575"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/vnsfemaleassociation.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/2474"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/vnsfemaleassociation.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2473"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/vnsfemaleassociation.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2473"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/vnsfemaleassociation.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2473"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
Author: My Anh<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n