[THE MAXIM OF “BLAME THE LIONESS FOR THE SPOILED CUB”]

“Blame the lioness for the spoiled cub”

The proverb above is of primitive belief, which can be briefly summarized in a sentence as “men are house-builders, women are homemakers”. At the time, the phrase “men are house-builders” depicts the stereotypical role of a man as the one who wears the pants in the family, who has to take the responsibility of feeding his family members and having a successful career. On the other hand, stating “women are homemakers” offers women a limited range of choices of domestic chores, looking after and raising their offspring, while men shall do other great deeds. This feudal notion had led to the birth of the maxim “blame the lioness for the spoiled cub”.   

The “spoiled cub” here is a metaphor for misbehaving, slothful and dependent children, who do not strive for self-improvement. When men are the working force in the family, older female family members, particularly grandmothers and mothers will be in charge of educating the children. From this definition, we can deduce that “spoiled cub” is a failure in unmethodical and careless upbringings from the mom and granny. The responsibility of looking after and raising children in the family are all bestowed upon women and they are to blame for their children’s wrongdoings. There are two plausible explanations to the origin of this proverb. First, women tend to be more sentimental when they are in love, so they would listen to their heart rather than their mind. Applying this logic into mother-child dynamics, a mother’s overflowing love might lead her astray from acknowledging her sprout’s mistakes. Thus, being primarily powered by feminine energy, women’s manners are often tender, delicate and particularly soft-hearted with toddlers. For instance, were the child to commit any wrongful course of actions, the mom would only warn them with words or at worst, inflict light punishments on them. They are afraid that being too harsh on their children will only make them more stubborn and also, leaving trauma on them with the use of violence. Second, female relatives are conventionally closer to their offsprings in lieu of male relatives. They are in charge of looking after the children, from every meal, every sleep to ensuring their well-being, hence the children feel more connected to their grandmother and mother. Moreover, their tenderness, compassion, and magnanimity bless them with the ability to lend a sympathetic ear to their offsprings whenever they encounter difficulties and queries. No matter how serious the issues are, the child is still willing to share them with his or her mom and grandma. 

Looking at its two explanations, the origin of the aforementioned saying is made understood. Nonetheless, back in time this saying was used to mock a grandmother or mother who mollycoddles her child, whereas today it is exploited to guilt trip and pour scorn on women for their offsprings’ faults. Primitive beliefs have been imposing prejudices to uphold women for long. Therefore, we as a society need to re-evaluate this outmoded maxim to grant women freedom of choice that is not limited to just being a “homemaker”. To begin with, in this day and age of perpetual revolution, educating children is the responsibility of every elder family member, not just women. From grandparents, parents themselves to other relatives are accountable for instructing the child even when they make mistakes, depending on the severity of their actions. If that cannot be done by relatives, then the parents are to shape their child, preventing them from committing any actions with unforeseeable consequences. Moreover, one’s personality is not only influenced by family but also from school environment, friends, and other factors. Generalizing that a “spoiled” sprout is for women to blame is affirmatively wrong. In sequence, women are gradually making a name for themselves in today’s equal world. Women in general and family in specific both play an important role no less than any man. Women can have a career for their own while still managing to take care of their families and themselves. Their potential is endless! Yet, since time immemorial, they have not once given the chance to utilize it.  

Looking further, along with nurturing children, the responsibilities of looking after and providing for the family are placed on the shoulders of every member in the family. Each and every family member’s sacrifice and dedication is needed in the process of building a healthy family. In the process, it is inevitable to meet some personal hardship that is rather difficult to share. However, why is the finger of blame always pointed at women in these situations? For example, there exist families who criticize the mother for not being able to conceive a son, while in fact the baby’s gender cannot be picked and most of the doctors refuse to disclose the gender of the baby too soon to prevent unwanted occurrences. Another example, some people hold the notion that a divorce or the husband’s affairs all comes down to the wife and her failure of catering for her husband and the kids, rather than blaming the husband for being disloyal. Through the examples, we can see that even in the present, women are still subjected to stereotypes and put in a bad light. Several unpleasant traits of society are associated with women, often expressed through a simple but very sexist remark: “You act like a girl.” "This guy speaks and moves in a feminine manner, just like a woman," "If he can't even produce a son to carry on the family name, what good is he? Truly a woman," "Look at how revealingly dressed that child is! What a woman." These are just a few examples of statements that people use to express their negative attitudes towards someone, but why do these statements specifically mention women? Firstly, every difference in mannerism among any genders or sexual orientations should be accepted. Every individual will define their style themselves to express their own personality and that has nothing to do with women. Emma Watson once said: “I love fashion. I think it’s important because it’s how you show yourself to the world.” This saying supports the fact that people have different styles not because they’re weird, but because they’re showing the world their individuality, their uniqueness. Secondly, this harmful statement is still used by women unconsciously. In turn, this shows that there are still women who insult women, which further worsen the image of women on the whole.   

Along with the developments in society, changes in humans also occur. We cannot keep on bringing up women with such a criticizing and prejudiced attitude because they are also trying to be a better version of themselves. That is why each and every one of us need to look at women and feminism with a more positive eye. Feminism fights for the equality of both men and women. The fact that women are mostly responsible for cooking duties, nurturing the kids, and catering for the family is a good thing itself. That being said, they should be given the opportunities to achieve greater goals, realize their dreams or simply do things they love as long as it is not illegal. Similarly, men do not have to always bear the responsibility of being the breadwinner alone. Men totally can share the financial burden of the family with their partner and encourage each other with loving words. Furthermore, however strong one can be, weak moments are unavoidable, including men. Whenever that happens, they should receive advice and comfort, rather than insults and judging eyes. Being humans, there exists good ones, bad ones; excellent ones and imperfect ones. Every individual is different with qualities and flaws. Therefore, we should not associate it with women or judge anyone.   

Nữ quyền chắc chắn sẽ còn cần một thời gian dài để tất cả mọi người nhận thức được về tầm quan trọng của sự bình đẳng. Vậy nên ngay từ bây giờ, cùng với VFSA, mỗi chúng ta hãy cùng tìm hiểu thêm để có cái nhìn khác về người phụ nữ và cả những người mà ta từng chỉ trích, để bản thân mỗi người trở nên tự tin hơn và cũng như cho chính mình một cơ hội để đấu tranh cho sự bình đẳng. Cũng như Đại sứ thiện chí của Liên Hợp Quốc, Emma Watson từng nói: “Tôi không muốn người khác định nghĩa mình. Tôi mới chính là người sẽ quyết định bản thân là ai.” 

Author: Truong Quynh Nhu, Nguyen Thanh Ngan, Pham Nguyen Minh Thu