[WIFE - ABDUCTING]

 
Tục lệ “bắt vợ” có lẽ không quá đỗi xa lạ đối với chúng ta, bởi cụm từ này thường xuyên xuất hiện trong các tác phẩm về những hủ tục vẫn còn ở các dân tộc nơi vùng sâu vùng xa. Nhưng liệu “bắt vợ” là đúng hay sai? Chúng ta có đang đứng ở một góc nhìn phiến diện để phán xét chúng? Liệu tục lệ này còn phù hợp ở thời điểm hiện tại? Hôm nay, hãy cùng VFSA khám phá những góc nhìn mới mẻ về tục bắt vợ. 
 Vậy tục bắt vợ là gì? Tục bắt vợ là nét văn hóa đặc trưng trong hôn nhân của dân tộc Mông, Dao đỏ ở các tỉnh miền núi phía Bắc và dân tộc Thái ở Nghệ An. Ở thời điểm mà tục lệ ra đời, tất cả mọi người đều nghĩ đây là một phong tục tốt và phù hợp. Bắt vợ từ lâu đã được xem là một nét văn hóa đặc trưng trong hôn nhân của dân tộc Mông. Người con trai sẽ tìm đến người con gái mà họ thích để bắt về làm vợ. Tục “bắt vợ” có thể coi như lối thoát cho những hoàn cảnh nghèo không đủ tiền thách cưới hay đôi nam nữ yêu nhau nhưng không có sự đồng ý của nhà gái hoặc nhà trai nên khi màn đêm buông xuống, người con trai ấy sẽ lén sang “bắt cóc” người phụ nữ mình yêu về làm vợ. Trong trường hợp khác, nhà trai không có đủ sính lễ nên mới đi bắt vợ.  Như vậy, tục bắt vợ là tập tục đã lưu truyền nhiều thế hệ ở Việt Nam.   
According to ancient legends, there was a passionate love between a young man and a girl from the Mong ethnic group. However, the girl's family did not agree to marry her off to the young man. Unsure of what to do, they devised a plan where the girl agreed to let the young man "pull her home" as his wife. Eventually, the girl's family had to accept the situation. In reality, there are many couples deeply in love but not approved by one or both sets of parents. If the couple chooses to live together without parental consent, not only are they seen as unfilial, but their marriage is also not accepted by the community. Therefore, the tradition of "wife pulling" can be considered an effective solution for couples deeply in love but facing obstacles from their families. In such cases, the couple will discuss how to proceed with marriage through the tradition of "wife pulling," relying on uncles, aunts, cousins, siblings, friends, etc., to mediate and coordinate the "bride kidnapping" plan to legitimize the marriage. 
This custom was described brilliantly by To Hoai in his literary work "Vo Chong A Phu". Mị, a beautiful and musically- talented girl, is admired by many. Smittened, men planted themselves at the entrance of Mị's room, waiting. During that year's Tet holiday, Pá Tra's son deceived and took advantage of this tradition to forcefully marry Mị. "One night, Mị heard tapping on the wall- a secret signal from her lover. Mị nervously raised her hand, only to encounter two fingers slipping into the wooden crevice, touching a ring. Mị's lover often wore a ring on that finger. Mị lifted the wooden panel, and a hand led her out. As soon as Mị stepped out, several men rushed in, gagging and blindfolding her then carrying her away." From that moment, Mị lost the right to live, to love, and lost herself. Perhaps this custom has certain aspects that are not appropriate, which begs the question of whether this tradition is no longer suitable for today's society.  
In contemporary society, women have the right to choose their life partners according to their own preferences. The practice of "bride kidnapping" can be seen as an interference with personal freedom and the individual's right to choose. Additionally, this custom often relies on assumptions about the social roles of men and women, thereby creating gender inequality within family relationships. Modern society is focused on promoting gender equality and eliminating practices that contribute to inequality. In a marital relationship, love, respect, and social interaction are crucial factors. The practice of "bride kidnapping" may prioritize other factors over these important elements. Each individual needs space to grow and express themselves, and this practice may impose barriers to exercising this right. In today's society, there are diverse cultures, religions, and values, and the practice of "bride kidnapping" may not fully reflect the multidimensionality and diversity of modern society. Forming relationships based on love and individual choice can contribute to economic and social development by creating an environment conducive to creativity and promoting personal happiness. In conclusion, the practice of "bride kidnapping" is no longer suitable in the present era as it is incongruous with the values of equality, personal freedom, and love within marital relationships. 
Unfortunately,  the current practice is being distorted, posing a risk to social order. Many individuals exploit this tradition to organize weddings for individuals who do not meet the legal age requirement for marriage as stated in Article 5 of The Marriage and Family Law. The Counter-Narcotic Police Department of Vietnam have also discovered cases in numerous provinces where the tradition of "bride kidnapping" is exploited to deceive and sell women to China. Each woman who is successfully trafficked to China will receive a payment of 3,000 Chinese yuan (depending on the transaction). Instead of maintaining its original humane nature, this cultural practice is being abused, with many cases involving coercion and illegal detention of victims, particularly young girls. Numerous female students, aged 13 to 15, who are still attending middle school, have been forced into marriage during their holiday breaks. These are the girls who aspire to pursue their educational paths, dreaming of attending university or becoming teachers or doctors. However, ironically, this tradition robs them of their autonomy and imposes maternal roles on them at such a tender age. A middle school teacher in H.Ky Son (Nghe An) broke down into tears while recounting the story of a talented student with dreams of attending university, a student whom the teacher had high hopes for. However, after the Lunar New Year holiday, this student was forced into marriage at the age of 15, shattering her dreams along the way. "Bride kidnapping" not only negatively impacts the future generations due to early marriage and childbirth, but it also carries the risk of violating the bodily autonomy and marital freedom of others. In many cases, the act of "bride kidnapping" by adults with individuals under the age of 16 leads to the crime of engaging in sexual intercourse with minors. Acts of oppression, coercion, and mistreatment towards women still persist in today's society. Human beings constantly need innovation and development, and women are no exception. We should not allow such inapt and obsolete traditions to hinder women’s advancement.  
In summary, this practice in many ways has both positive and negative aspects to it. In fact, it is akin to a real crime of kidnapping if it happens without the woman’s consent, forcing underaged girls into marriage with someone they do not love or not even know. Notwithstanding, this tradition still persists today due to prevailing marital views within families. In this modern society, where everything becomes increasingly expensive, people also have higher expectations, leading to significant financial expenses for wedding preparations. However, in these regions where the tradition of "bride kidnapping" exists, couples can overcome barriers of money, assets, and social status to be together as long as their love for each other is strong enough. It can be said that whether the practice of "bride kidnapping" becomes a tradition or not depends on each individual's perspective. Prejudices and cultural fractures still exist between different regions, so we cannot stand from a single viewpoint to judge whether this tradition is good or bad. We believe that there is no exact moral hierarchy for determining whether a tradition is good or bad, but rather its compatibility with each individual's perspective. What are your thoughts on this tradition? Please share with us!  

Author: Minh Chau, Dieu Huong